The Biblical Way God Wants You to Process Pain .

“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matt. 5:4).

For many years I wondered what this verse meant. I used to think that God wants us to feel bad for all the sin in the world and walk around depressed or sad all day. But now I believe this verse has to do with the need for us to fully face and deal with those things that hurt us. Only those who fully enter into this process of grieving over wrongs done to them, or for sin, will ever be able to process their pain to the point where they can be comforted by God.

“To mourn” means to grieve or lament something—the process through which you allow yourself to feel a heavy emotional burden or pain while you deal with a loss or emotional wound. This is different from a pity party or clinical depression; this is actually the opposite of feeling sorry for yourself, since in mourning you are open to reality and God’s inner dealings of the heart. But when you feel sorry for yourself, you actually mitigate against the workings of God in your soul, hindering growth in the process of pain and grief.

The Jews of the Old Testament understood what it meant to fully comprehend and process pain. They used to walk around dressed in sackcloth and would throw ashes on their heads. After Jacob died, they mourned his passing with heavy lamentation for seven days (Gen. 49:10). When Moses died, the nation of Israel mourned 30 full days (Deut. 34:8). This was not just done after someone passed away, but when they were grieved by something or someone, or when they repented for sin (Matt. 11:20-21; Jonah 3:4-10). Nowadays, we continue to sin as if it were nothing—since we refuse to feel the pain of God’s heart and suffer with Him for our actions. When we do not fully face what we are doing wrong, we continue to perpetuate evil deeds!

At least 25 percent of the Psalms are made up of lamentations. For example, Psalm 22 is a prophetic song about how Jesus would be treated and how He would feel emotionally for what people did to Him. Psalm 51 is a whole song about godly sorrow; David was a man after God’s heart because he knew how to process and face the guilt he felt, and he knew how to feel pain for hurting God and His people. There is even a whole book written by Jeremiah called Lamentations. Second Corinthians 7 teaches us that godly sorrow leads us to repentance. David wrote a song that he commanded Israel to sing regarding the loss he felt due to the death in battle of King Saul and his son Jonathan (2 Sam. 1).

Jesus: Our Example for Mourning and Facing His Pain

Jesus was in touch with His emotions. He was angry and grieved at the hardness of the hearts of the religious leaders (Mark 3:5). He greatly rejoiced in the Spirit (Luke 10:21). He groaned within Himself and was troubled (John 11:33-35). He was moved with compassion when He healed people (Mark 1:40-44). Jesus was openly sorrowful, even to the point of death when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane: Matthew 26:36-39 says, “Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane and said to the disciples, ‘Sit here while I go and pray close by.’ He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee and began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then He said to them, ‘My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Wait here, and keep watch with Me.’ He went a little farther, and falling on His face, He prayed, ‘O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me. Nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.'”

Jesus and Lazarus: John 11:33-36 says, “When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who came with her weeping, He groaned in the spirit and was troubled. He said, ‘Where have you laid him?’ They said to Him, ‘Lord, come and see.’ Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, ‘See how He loved him'”

Sometimes I feel awkward when a person, especially a female, starts weeping! Jesus didn’t. He fully knew how to enter into someone else’s pain!

Jesus wept over Jerusalem: Matthew 23:37-39 says, “O Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those who are sent to you, how often I would have gathered your children together as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, but you would not! Look, your house is left to you desolate. For I tell you, you shall not see Me again until you say, ‘Blessed is He who comes in the name of the Lord.'”

Unlike spiritual leaders and Christians, Jesus did not just move on when people didn’t progress in their faith with God.

Jesus was called a man of sorrows and was acquainted with grief. This doesn’t mean He was depressed or filled with self-pity but rather that He was filled with grief because He entered into the suffering of others.

How We in America Process Pain

In America, we are taught to just suck it up and keep going without dealing with things. Everything in this generation is instant and superficial. Most relationships are an inch deep and a mile wide, even marriages! Most spouses don’t even know their mate the way they should, and most Christians have friendships that are only based on connecting in the context of a lot of people and activity.