On the Anniversary of Sandy Hook, a Mother’s Gratitude for Her Child’s Faith

Five years ago my son, Tain, was sitting in his third-grade classroom in Sandy Hook Elementary when a gunman blasted his way into the building and killed 26 adults and children — including Tain’s godbrother, Ben — whose mother is Tain’s godmother.

I barely have words for the grief that washed over us. I wasn’t sure how to help Tain deal with the life-shattering effects of such a horrific tragedy. Eventually I sensed I had to walk through it with my son — and sometimes let him lead the way.

Only Tain knows the depth of his loss and the shock of realizing a child even younger than himself can die. He has few words for the magnitude of what happened but I knew he had to work his own grief, and the way he did so would determine the way in which he walked through the world — whether he could live in faith and not fear.

All I could do was listen. My own grief overwhelmed me, though, and I wanted, needed, to feel in faith that I could grasp a sense of my own hope and positivity again. But in a season when the worst had happened, how could I summon such faith? Muscle memory or, more accurately, heart memory came into play.

Our pastor, Kathie Adams-Shepherd, said faith is people showing up for you. She would reiterate it many times in those days. Perhaps this is what Tain experienced. I now see I was holding fast to faith when I stood with him in his…