The terrible price of freedom. The incredible grace of God.

On Independence Day, take a moment to remember the veterans who paid a terrible price for our freedoms.

Many of them are like I was. When I left Afghanistan and the war, I found that Afghanistan and the war hadn’t quite left me. I had PTSD-like symptoms. 

There are thousands of veterans stuck in this place—on edge. They lash out at their spouses. They are ready to beat up the next guy at the bar. They break bottles, break dishes, break up their families. They look for an excuse to explode. They want to scream. The military trained them to fight, and that’s what they want to do. 

They can’t just turn this off with the flip of a switch. They have the mentality of killers, but they have to act as gentle fathers and loving husbands. Upon departure from the military, they have to be amicable citizens and agreeable coworkers. 

But they can’t. They bring home the fire of war with them. 

This doesn’t require a “certifiable” diagnosis of PTSD. It’s my conviction that almost every combat veteran suffers from this mentality one way or another. They bring the cold and lethal mentality of a killer into their homes and communities and then do their best to pretend they are fine. 

Many are not. Twenty commit suicide every day, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs. 

‘I was afraid of what I might do’

Upon returning home from war, I started experiencing what I call “black rage.” This is where you black out from anger. This is similar to blacking out on an alcohol bender, except that it is brought on by sheer uncontrolled anger. 

After a black rage, I would often wake up to see everything around me destroyed. If I remembered anything, it seemed like a dream or something that had happened to someone else. Other times, I had no recollection at all. There was just a blank interval between starting to get upset and waking…