How Do You Explain Why Members Left the Church to Members Who Stay?

Pastors are usually hurt when a member decides to leave the church. Sometimes the pain is deep. It feels personal.

In addition to dealing with their own pain, pastors also have to offer explanations about these departures to members who ask about them. The pastors cannot just ignore the questions and walk away.

I was recently in a church where a church member informed me that he and his family would be leaving the church. It was none of my business, so I simply acknowledged his comment. But he insisted on telling me why he was leaving.

Every comment he made was about his needs, his preferences, how he wanted to do church. The worship style did not meet his needs. He was not getting fed. He wanted church to be more organic, whatever that means. He had three people he desired to please: me, myself, and I. He never made one comment about his own commitments to minister, to give, to serve, and to be fed.

Before the conversation was over, he proudly told me he and his family would leave quietly and peaceably. There would be no problems after they left.

Yeah. Right.

I spoke with the pastor a few weeks later. Multiple church members came to him to ask him why Bill (not his real name) and his family left. You can’t blame the inquiring church members. The family had been active in church, and they just disappeared. Bill left a mess for the pastor.

So, how do pastors and other church members respond to these difficult questions? I’ve seen the best responses have four key components, so here is the…