Choosing life despite inevitable sorrow: The story behind Abel Speaks

In the summer of 2015, my husband, Daniel, and I discovered we were pregnant and that our first child was a little boy! 

On the same phone call, however, we learned that our son was conceived with a life-limiting chromosomal abnormality known as Trisomy 18.

Nothing can prepare you for that moment. 

The future you envisioned with your child begins slipping away. Instantly, I had to come to grips with the reality that our baby’s life would more than likely be short if his diagnosis held true. 

So, the question instantly emerged: What ought a family do in a situation like ours? 

A ‘better’ choice?

Some people, such as the first specialist we saw, encourage abortion as a means of hitting reset in order to try again for a “better” one, which is to say, a healthier one. 

Others believe it would be “better” to terminate the pregnancy at that point, in the sense that it would be emotionally easier. “If you’re going to lose this child at some point, why torture yourselves by dragging out the inevitable? Wouldn’t it be best and easiest for everyone to just end it now and try again?” 

I believe that this line of thinking is rooted in a caring consideration for the parents and offered with the best of intentions. It’s not hard to comprehend and even empathize with why abortion would be considered in a situation like ours. 

However, I humbly propose that such a conclusion is built upon two faulty assumptions. 

The emotional fallacy

Emotionally, the faulty assumption is that joy and sorrow are incompatible and that anything in life can fall into one of those two buckets—but never both. 

I cannot subscribe to that premise for two reasons: 

1. Regardless of your worldview or faith persuasion, the human experience shows us that joy and sorrow are not mutually exclusive. In fact, I think we consistently find that the two are tied at the hip. Is it not true that life is an ever-swirling blend of…