Ten Unrealistic Expectations Placed on Ministry Spouses

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Ten Unrealistic Expectations Placed on Ministry Spouses

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Podcast Episode #372

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We routinely hear from pastors’ wives and ministry spouses. Their feedback is often heartbreaking. Today, we expound on their frustrations.

Some highlights from today’s episode include:

  • Pastor spouses are often expected to be omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent.
  • Church members often complain to a minister’s spouse if they feel like they aren’t getting the attention they deserve.
  • If you need to get a message to a church staff member, go to them—not their spouse.
  • I’m so grateful for pastors’ wives who have the courage to speak up for other pastors’ wives.

The ten unrealistic expectations we cover in this episode are:

  1. “I am expected to attend every function at the church.”
  2. “Many church members expect me to know everything that is happening in the church.”
  3. “We have several church members who feel free to complain to me about my spouse.”
  4. “Church members utilize me as a de facto assistant to my spouse, giving me messages for him.”
  5. “I am still amazed how many church members expect me to function as an employee of the church.”
  6. “Some of the members expect our children to be perfect and act perfect.”
  7. “I am always supposed to be perfectly made up and dressed when I leave the house.”
  8. “I have no freedom at our church to be anything but perfectly emotionally composed.”
  9. “I think some of our church members expect my family to take a vow of poverty.”
  10. “So many church members expect me to be their best friend.”

Episode Sponsors

Vanderbloemen Search GroupVanderbloemen Search Group is the premier pastor search firm dedicated to helping churches and ministries build great teams. Their Fall Lead Pastor and Executive Pastor Coaching Networks are now open for registration, and our very own Dr. Rainer will be speaking at the Fall Lead Pastor Coaching Network.

So if you’re a Lead Pastor or an Executive Pastor looking for peer roundtable coaching, check it out at vanderbloemen.com/coaching. It’s limited to 16 folks, so apply today before it fills up.

Midwestern Seminary is interested in helping you get to the field faster. And they’re serious about training leaders for the church. That’s why they’ve created the all-new Accelerate Program. In Midwestern’s Accelerate Program, students earn both Bachelor of Arts degree and Master of Divinity degree in just 5 years of intensive study. That’s a B.A. and an M.Div. at the same time. This innovative residential program combines rigorous academic training with practical ministry preparation, resulting in one of the most effective programs around, so that you can pursue your ministry calling as soon as possible.

Two degrees in five years – all in one program: Accelerate at Midwestern Seminary. Take the next step by visiting mbts.edu/accelerate.

Feedback

If you have a question you would like answered on the show, fill out the form on the podcast page here at ThomRainer.com. If we use your question, you’ll receive a free copy of Who Moved My Pulpit?

Resources Mentioned in Today’s Podcast

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Prime Minister backs Church anti-slavery push

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Prime Minister backs Church anti-slavery push

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Theresa May expressed her support for the three-year Clewer Initiative ahead of a launch at Lambeth Palace, saying it was important to “shine a light on this hidden crime”.

Mrs May added: “Tackling modern slavery is one of my priorities as Prime Minister, and as Home Secretary I was pleased to introduce the Modern Slavery Act 2015, giving law enforcement new tools to pursue criminals and increase the support available for victims.

“However, the Government cannot tackle this problem alone and this is why the efforts of organisations and groups such as the Clewer Initiative are so important.”

Wikimedia Commons

 

Incidents of people being forced to work against their will under the threat of punishment, human trafficking, child slavery, and forced or early marriage are all considered forms of modern slavery, according to the Anti-Slavery International.

The Church of England hopes all its 12,000 parishes will eventually participate in the programme which aims to support victims of modern slavery and identify where it is happening.

Ten dioceses – Bath and Wells, Chester, Derby, Durham, Guildford, Lichfield, Liverpool, Portsmouth, Rochester, and Southwell and Nottingham – have already signed up. Fourteen more are due to take part later this year.

Independent Anti-Slavery Commissioner Kevin Hyland said: “Faith groups have influence, insight and rare avenues into the community. They are therefore a powerful tool in the fight against modern slavery.”

The Clewer Initiative is being funded by the Clewer Sister, an Anglican order of Augustinian nuns which was founded in 1852 to help marginalised younger women.

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Joyce Meyer’s Daily 17 October 2017 Devotional: You Are Never Alone

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Joyce Meyer’s Daily 17 October 2017 Devotional: You Are Never Alone
Joyce Meyer's Daily 17 October 2017 Devotional: You Are Never Alone

Topic: You Are Never Alone [Tuesday October 17, 2017]

David said, The Lord Who delivered me out of the paw of the lion and out of the paw of the bear, He will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine. And Saul said to David, Go, and the Lord be with you! — 1 Samuel 17:37

Grief and loneliness are major problems facing people today. The two often go together because many people grieve about being lonely. At our ministry, we often receive prayer requests for people struggling with loneliness.

God’s Word tells us plainly that we are not alone. He wants to deliver, comfort and heal us. But when you encounter painful losses in your life, you can lose sight of this simple truth.

Satan wants you to believe you are alone. He wants you to believe that no one understands how you feel, but he is a liar. In addition to God being with you, many of your brothers and sisters in Christ understand what you are experiencing mentally and emotionally (see 2 Corinthians 1:3-4).

You are not alone now and you’ll never be alone, no matter what confronts you.

You may not understand much when you are hurting and the pain of loss is ripping through your soul, but know and hold on to this one truth: God loves you, and He has a good future for you. Hope in Him and trust Him to turn your mourning into joy (see Isaiah 61:1-3).

Prayer Starter: God, I can’t always see the truth through my grief and loneliness but I know that You never leave me. Help me to remember You are near, and give me friendships with Christians who will encourage me to seek You more.

From Joyce Meyer’s Ministries


Annual Jerusalem March Draws Tens of Thousands .

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Annual Jerusalem March Draws Tens of Thousands .

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(Unsplash/David Rodrigo )

Tens of thousands of participants from 80 different countries took part Tuesday, Oct. 10, 2017, in the annual march in Jerusalem marking the 50th anniversary of the city’s unification. As participants gathered to start the march, Jerusalem Mayor Nir Barkat welcomed one and all.

Israeli tourists, IDF soldiers, representatives of the security and rescue forces, street artists, dancers, musicians and dozens of groups representing public bodies were seen walking side by side. “I came because I love Israel,” said Jenny from the United States. “This is my 20th trip here. We are happy to do things for Israel. It’s an amazing country.”

“I’m a Christian, but I feel connected to Israel,” said Marissa from Catalonia. “I do not know how to explain it, but I feel very close to it. All Christians feel that way.”

“The Jerusalem march is a tradition which lasted for more than 60 years. Every year it is exciting again, though as this year we celebrate 50 years of unification it is even more exciting than ever,” said Mayor Barkat.

“Many peoples and strong nations will seek out the Lord of Hosts in Jerusalem and to entreat the favor of the Lord” (Zech. 8:22).

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Why This Church Doesn’t Pay Its Worship Team .

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Why This Church Doesn’t Pay Its Worship Team .

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    Trump Ramps Up Effort to Deny Iran’s Path to Nuclear Weapons .

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    Trump Ramps Up Effort to Deny Iran’s Path to Nuclear Weapons .

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    Iranians walk past a revolutionary mural in Tehran, Iran, Jan. 17, 2016. (Raheb Homavandi / Reuters )

    President Donald Trump, in consultation with his national security team, has approved a new strategy which focuses on neutralizing Iran’s destabilizing influence and constraining its aggression, particularly its support for terrorism and militants.

    This strategy will aggressively counter threats to the United States and its allies from ballistic missiles and other asymmetric weapons, which includes denying the Iranian regime—and especially the Islamic Revolutionary Guard Corps (IRGC)—funding for its illicit activities, and opposing IRGC activities that extort the wealth of the Iranian people.

    After nine months of deliberation with Congress and American allies on how to best protect American security, President Trump intends that the U.S. will deny the Iranian regime and stop all paths to a nuclear weapon.

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    Have Evangelical Leaders Become Disciples of Donald Trump? .

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    Have Evangelical Leaders Become Disciples of Donald Trump? .

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    Melania and Donald Trump.
    Melania and Donald Trump. (REUTERS/Kevin Lamarque)

    A headline on the conservative, RedState website announces, “Trump’s Cheap ‘Merry Christmas’ Christianity Continues to Sway Evangelicals.” Is this true?

    According to Kimberly Ross, “Last year, congregants at the Church of Trump stormed into polling places nationwide and voted a godless reality star into the highest office in the land.”

    But that was only the beginning. Since then, Ross claims, “It’s been crystal-clear that too many evangelical Trump supporters have not only placed their political faith in the real estate magnate; they have become sold-out disciples for him. It seems as if, in their eyes, the GOP and Christianity are interchangeable.”

    What prompted Ross to pen this article now, in Oct. 2017? It was President Trump’s appearance at FRC’s Values Voter’s Summit. He was the first sitting president to speak at this annual D.C. summit, and he received a thunderous response when he made clear that we would be saying, “Merry Christmas” again. In the words of Ross, “Home run! And the crowd … goes … wild.”

    Yes, “The proud, starry-eyed evangelicals who cast their ballot for the Christian-in-chief believe Trump has miraculously brought faith back to the nation.

    “And that is all that matters.”

    Is Ross being fair? Yes and no—and that is a very big no.

    On the “yes” side, it is true that we evangelicals can be guilty of making “Merry Christmas” into a big deal, no doubt the result of what we perceive to be the constant attack on our faith. So, when the president pushes the right button and uses the right line in the right setting, he’s sure to get a response.

    Overall, saying “Merry Christmas” is the least of our concerns, and Ross’ criticisms here are fair.

    It’s also true that some evangelicals have been guilty of turning Trump into Saint Donald. He is presented (by a precious few) as a truly Christian man who can do no wrong, a selfless champion of the people whose most unbecoming tweets are justified because of the fierceness of the battle. He is one of us, and he is our hero!

    I addressed this concern during the campaign, and since the election, I have urged my fellow evangelical leaders not to sell their souls in defense of our president. We only discredit ourselves when we ignore his shortcomings.

    Worse still, we hurt our witness. People are less likely to hear our message about Jesus when we seem oblivious to the president’s clay feet.

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    Why the Status Quo in Washington Won’t Work Anymore .

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    Why the Status Quo in Washington Won’t Work Anymore .

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    Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (Aaron Bernstein / Reuters )

    In recent months, there has been much conversation about how Washington, D.C. operates. I’d like to add my voice to the conversation, especially about the Senate rules and procedures.

    Specifically, the Senate rule which requires 60 votes to pass any legislation. This is why that particular rule is so important: The Senate has 100 members. Right now, there are 46 Democrats and 52 Republicans leaving 2 independents that associate with the Democrats.

    To put it simply, 48 Democrats and 52 Republicans. This means that in order for Republicans to pass any conservative legislation they need 8 Democrats’ votes and that’s assuming all of the Republicans are on board.

    The main argument of those in favor of keeping the 60-vote threshold is that the Senate is a deliberative body, and this rule ensures that the minority voice is always heard. This belief is one of naiveté and innocence. It assumes that the minority party (currently Democrat) is fair-minded and willing to negotiate for the greater good of the country. Anyone who has kept an eye on Washington over the past few years understands that the Democrats are deeply out of touch with the American people. This is why in November of last year the American electorate gave Republicans control of the House, Senate and White House. The Democratic Party has openly said its main goal under President Trump is to “resist.” That means opposing anything and everything that was a campaign promise by the president.

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    Our Daily Manna October 17, 2017: ODM devotional – Stay Within The Name!

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    Our Daily Manna October 17, 2017: ODM devotional – Stay Within The Name!
    Our Daily Manna October 17, 2017: ODM devotional – Stay Within The Name!

    Topic: Stay Within The Name! [Tuesday, October 17, 2017]

    Basic Scriptures: Psalm 91

    You have probably read or heard of the word: “HEDGE” (Job 1: 8-10). This was the hedge of fire of protection round Job and it is still operating concerning every child of God. As long as you did not leave the hedge yourself, heaven is committed to protect you day and night. Reject the fear of premature death, armed robbery and any other harm as this year ends. Walk DAILY by faith in the fact that there is a hedge around you.

    The Word says, “Through knowledge shall the just be delivered” – Proverb 11: 9. Sleep and wake up with the knowledge that there is a hedge around you. But note this: The easiest way of killing a fish is to take it out of the water! If the devil is trying to hurt you or your family, the first thing he will do is to take you out of the hedge or the presence of God. Satan knows you will die a natural /spiritual death, once you are out of the hedge.

    As long as you stay under the hedge, no weapon fashioned against you shall prosper. Resist sin or whatever will break your hedge. Ecclesiastes says, “whoever  breaketh the hedge a serpent will bite him” (Ecc 10: 8b). Proverb 18: 10 says, “The name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run into it and they are safe.” Oh! STAY WITHIN THE NAME! Can you fornicate, steal, keep malice, refuse to forgive, gossip, commit adultery, engage in illegal business, tell lies or exaggerate stories, etc, in the name of the Lord? No sir! No ma! You are safe as long as you STAY WITHIN THE NAME! IT IS A STRONG TOWER! Run from whatever you cannot do without that name (More of this in the next “WAR AGAINST HAMAN – 13”; the 2018 January 21 –day fasting booklet)!

    As you go out today/daily, realize that God Himself is faithful and cannot deny Himself. Set your love on God and He will set His hedge around you (Psalm 91; 14). Being holy, prayerful, spending time with God, giving to God and your fellow men are ways of setting your love on God. He will deliver you, not once, not twice! He will deliver you always! Remember that: The best way to love something is to realize that it might be lost – (K. Chesterton). So keep your salvation and your protection daily by staying within THE NAME OF THE LORD!

    THE LAGOS (LEKKI) MOUNTAIN INTERNATIONAL ANOINTING SERVICE is Saturday October 28th ; TIME: 8am-11.30am. VENUE: Manna Mountain Lekki (CHISCO B/STOP BEHIND OAMDO FILLING STATION) Theme: “AHITHOPHEL MUST DIE! HOUSEHOLD WICKEDNESS MUST DIE” Come with NAMES OF FAMILY MEMBERS and any point of contact. OCTOBER IS YOUR DAY!

    Prayer Points: Take any song of worship as led.

    1. In your own words, pray about today’s word as led.

    2. By the grace of God, I shall not cross over the hedge!

    3. Any plan to draw away from the hedge of THE NAME receive frustration in Jesus name (pray it seriously).

    4. Pray as you are led today concerning any issue(s).

    By Bishop (Dr) Chris E. Kwakpovwe (Cek)
    Publisher/Writer Of ODM And

    Rev (Mrs) Flora E. Kwakpovwe (Fek)
    Co-Publisher/Writer Of ODM.


    Seeds of Destiny 17 October 2017 by Pastor Paul Enenche — The Touch Of God

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    Seeds of Destiny 17 October 2017 by Pastor Paul Enenche — The Touch Of God
    Seeds of Destiny 17 October 2017 by Pastor Paul Enenche — The Touch Of God

    Topic: The Touch Of God [Tuesday October 17, 2017]

    Scripture: And he cometh to Bethsaida; and they bring a blind man unto him, and besought him to touch him. And he took the blind man by the hand, and led him out of the town; …After that he put his hands again upon his eyes, and made him look up: and he was restored, and saw every man clearly. And he sent him away to his house, saying, Neither go into the town, nor tell it to any in the town. Mark 8:22-26.

    Thought For The Day: If you want to experience the touch of God, you must be willing to be led by Him.

    Our anchor scripture tells the story of a blind man of Bethsaida who was brought to Jesus Christ to be touched by Him. Jesus took the blind man by hand and led him out of the town and after a little process; the man regained his sight.

    The lesson of this story is that it takes the willingness to be led by God to experience the Touch of God. The blind man allowed himself to be led of the Master and did not care where He was being taken to.

    Beloved, one reason many people are not candidates for the touch of God is that they have their own agenda. They already know what they want to do with their lives and where they want to go. They only want the stamp and approval of God. People like that never experience the touch of God; they never go far with God.

    If you want to experience the touch of God, you must be willing to be led by Him. You must come to a point where you can totally surrender your life’s direction to Him. God wants to touch and empower people who are not in charge of their motions and who have decided to entrust their future to His Hands.

    Remember This: If you want to experience the touch of God, you must be willing to be led by Him.

    Assignments:

    1. Make up your mind to surrender your life to God and be willing to go anywhere He leads you even without knowing your destination like Abraham (Genesis 12).

    2. Ask God for His touch for a change of your story.

    Prayer: O LORD, I surrender my life, agenda and plans to You. Wherever You lead, I will follow in Jesus’ Name.

    FOR FURTHER UNDERSTANDING, GET THIS MESSAGE: THE TOUCH OF GOD.

    Daily Reading: Jeremiah 30:1 to 31:26, 1 Timothy 2:1 to 15, Psalm 87:1 to 7, Proverbs 25:18 to 19.

    Quote: Until a person is changed on the inside, nothing changes on the outside. Culled from 365 WISDOM CAPSULES by Dr Paul Enenche

    Today In History: 17/10/1904 – Bank of Italy (Bank of America) opens its doors.

    Amazing Fact: Running will form leg muscles faster and better than any other form of exercise since running uses ALL of the leg muscles.

    Don’t Forget To Attend: The Power Communion Services tomorrow by 4:45pm and 6:30pm for the preservation of your life and destiny. Invite your friends and loved ones.

    Dunamis International Gospel Centre (DIGC), is a powerfully anointed church, headquartered at Abuja, Nigeria, with Dr Paul and Becky Enenche, as the Senior Pastors. It is a power-packed arena where God’s Presence, Principles and Power are at work for the salvation, healing and restoration of human destinies and dignities.


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